Six Months Later

Six months have passed and not much has changed. The world is turning, the Sky is still blue, and i am still me. That last one can go eather way. I really dont know where i am going in ife. I am stuck. I have been Stuck for a long time now. I dont know if i can find a way out, or if i want to find a way out. Still have not really done things on my check list lets go over them again.
[x]CNA Licence
[ ]Moved Out
[ ]Got a new car
[x}Got my own phone plan
[ ]Be in a realitionship
[ ]Let the past go

Is two out of six good? I dont know either. I need to figure things out. But it takes to much energy!

Pitty Party of One, Your Table Is ready

I kinda made a fool of myself. I met this guy at my friends house and my friend gave me his number and I know she was going to try to set me up with him. It was really odvious. She kept telling me to text him. So I texed him but I did not really want to because I knew that it was going to be like how it always was. He told her that he thought that I was cool but not intrested in me like that.

Idk why I did it. I really did not want to because I knew that he was not into me. I knew it but yet I just texed him. And now I feel like a total idiot. And I hate seeing my friends with their boyfriends. I really do because it just reminds me that I dont have a boyfriend. That I never have had one. And most likly will never have one.

WHHHAAAATTT!

So on Saturday I am going to see my favorite band ever! I know I say that a lot but this time it is really them. I wish I bought the meet and great tickets. But at least I am going to see them preform their early music.

P.S I also know it is for not that album.

"We Still Love Tom Petty Songs"

I need to feel wanted,
I need to feel like there is a point to this,
I need to feel like i am make it work,
I need to stop being such a music Nazi,
I need to feel the rain on my face,
I need to feel needed.

I want to take charge,
I want to make in impact on the world,
I want to get married,
I want to be a better mother then mine was,
I want to get over my past
I want to much

I can overcome this,
I can be a bigger person then this,
I can change your mind,
I can be independent
I can stop biting my nails,
i can write the next New York Times Best Selling Book.

The Idea of Life After Death

Doing what I do for work I see death a hell of a lot. But some of the deaths are a little easeier then the others. But then there is that one death that just takes you off gard and makes life feel like it has just punched you in the middle of the back. To explain the punch in the middle of the back... when someone punches you from behind it startles you and makes you want to pay more attention. When I go in to work tomorrow I am going to see a lady who I loved and cared for slowly leaving this life. Just laying in her bed not really there. But I will still call her name hopeing to get one last smile from her.

Im a Leaf on the Wind. Watch How I Soar!

So new year new look! today was kind of an awesome day. all the things taht i ordered last week all came in today. It was only 3 things but it is funny that they all came in today. tomorrow i get paid and i am going to get a new phone, so that is going to be more things that i am going to get. Well what I got today was my fossil handbag. My 2 books from B&N, and my Tegan and Sarah cd.

Anyways. I have been hanging out with all my friends again. It has been a good time.I have not seen all my friends in a long time. I think I am finally out of my moorning. I still miss my grandma still everyday but I am comming to terms that she is gone and that I should not be letting my life just pass by. But it was good seeing all my frieds. I have missed them.

So me and KP are going to try to write a post at least 1 a week. I really hope that I can keep this up.

The same old dream

i had another dream about you again. it seemed like everyone i know was at a theater and there was a play that was going to start. then you walk in with some girl i have never seen before. it accorded to me that you were on a date. i felt my whole world crash around me. i tryed to talk to you but you just ignored me. i think i had this dream because i was talking to some other guy. idk why but i still want you. i still wish that we could have been. i guess that i am still stuck in a dream.

Wow. t has been forever since i was last on there. Life has been a tragic few months. Death has been surrounding my life. I have been through a heel f a time to deal with it. but i cant seem to. i feel like at any momment that i am going to scream in someones face and tell them how i feel and let hem know how they make me feel.

i am seeing things differently now. i see peopel who i tought were my friends treat me like a pile of dog shit and how i always let them get away with it. but now i say fuck that shit. if you are going to shit on me ill shit right back on you mother fucker.

i am bitter i know but i think i deserve to be a little bitter foe once in my life.

Glass To The Arson

There has to be something that is keeping me so interested in this?
There has to be or else this is all pointless, and a waist of time.
And i hate waisting my time!
...
...
...
Oh who am i kidding... I love waisting my TIME!

Just Keep Breathing.

All Of Them

He enters her life just as he leaves.
Fast and straight to the point.
He has no sympathy,
Because who has time for that.
He is charismatic.
Because that is what is expected of him.
He can carry a tune.
Make all the girls smile.
Lie,
Cheat,
steal.
He has done it all.
Just because he can.
He looks for his next victim.
Lets hope you are not on his list.

Again I Go Unnoticed

why do we concentrate so much on the past when the future is staring us down fight in the face? we know we don't live for ever but we choose not to live in the moment. we care to much about what other think that we for get to think about our selves. there is no more white and black only gray. because we forgot how to choose. and what i said is just going to go unnoticed even to me.

There's A Reason.

And I gave my hand to the Fates
And they took me around
They showed me the Seven Wonders
The sights and the sounds

There was a man with cinders for eyes
There was a girl with a dress made of flies
And there's a reason
There's a reason

And it's love that's tearing them down
And it's love that turns them around
Say it is so

And the ballroom is filled with the joy
Of making old friends
And jukebox girls trip the light
They wiggle and they bend

Blind Joe, he's feeling no pain
Sweet Georgia, she dreams of the rain
And there's a reason
There's a reason

And it's love that's tearing them down
And it's love that will turn them around
Say it is so

When the moon follows you where you go
And you cannot hide
And when voices of doom ring your ears
And horsemen do ride

May tomorrow the land be anew
May every bird sing unto you
That's the reason
That's the reason

That the love that's tearing you down
Is the love that will turn you around
That the love that's tearing you down
Is the love that will turn you around

Say it is so

I dont think there is a better song that explains what i feel at the moment.

Everybody Learns From Disaster.

Were sitting on a spinners while.
No options to get off.
No chances to stop.
We like the feeling of incomplete.
we Cherish the winters frost.
I give you all of me.
You give me the sand in your shoes.
I'm here to say FUCK YOUR SAND BITCH!

You can tell i mean it cause it is in caps.

lets not hear it for the underdogs!

life has a shitty way or showing you that the ass holes of the world always win. i relized this cause the ass holes of the road rules real world chalange won.

I like to think.

I like to think that you put that song up for me.
But i know I'm not that relevant to you.
I like to think that i am your last though on you mind when you lay your head on your pillow.
But i know that i am just your casual thought.
I like to think that you were there for me.
But i know i was the one there for you.
I like to think that in the end this will all make sense.
But i know that i will still be lost in the pages.
I like to think that you miss me.
But i know that you don't care.
I like to think that the sun will come out tomorrow.
But i know the forecast is looking cloudy.

Life Vs. Choices

Friends Vs. Enemies
loneliness Vs. Unwanted company
Books Vs. Reality
Settling Vs. Dying alone
Caring how others feel Vs. No one to listen to you
Happiness Vs. Sadness
Choices Vs. Life

Burning Bridges.

I dont know what this says about me but this commercial makes me happy to the point of tears.

God is Great!

If got is great then shouldent the world be great. Shouldent life be great. It has its moments dont get me wrong but what else is there but the little moments. We spend our lives waithing for those tinny tiny little spects taht we call moments. Lets Live for something else.